Impact of Suicide: Randy Pingrin

Its been nearly ten month, and I still struggle to share my thoughts on that day and our lives since...
We all have our thoughts on religion.. I have always had my own relationship with God, meaning I don't have to be at church every Sunday.... I believe.. I know on that day, the hand of God guided me... I had work that day, but thought better of it... I sent a text to Leigh, my wife, Zachs mom and ask if we could meet for lunch, she said she could... We received the call about Zach's suicide during that lunch....I thank God I was with her....
That lunch was the first time in our marriage that I found myself unable to console her, help ease her pain... The drive to Zach's apartment seemed to take hours,  sobbing as we called his brothers and sister with the news that he had taken his own life were the most painful to make....
The days before I had lunch with Zach and his dad Steve, he seemed so positive about his future and with the help of his oldest brother Jason seemed to have a  new life plan..... He had at least, me fooled....
I am what most families would call a step dad to Zach, but we are a strange combined family, we don't put labels on family.. We just love each other and try to make sense of this together....

Ok from my side, as a husband....
To watch my wife help build the MuchLoveFoundation.org and post blogs sharing her feeling with the world on something so personal make me so proud of her strength and focus to our cause...
The part thats unseen... The part I see everyday... Sometimes in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and most of the time at night....
Is seeing Leigh's heart break over and over again as she realizes its not a dream... I feel helpless.....Leigh, you are the love of my life.. I wish I had your strength and your courage... everyday...  MUCHLOVE